We met through a mutual friend via social media. We followed each other without saying much until finally a few months later, I made the first move. I sent him a direct message through Instagram. We chatted for awhile and from that moment on we started to chat even more until we finally exchanged numbers. I, then again made the first move to actually talk on the phone. We hit it off. We had chemistry. We had so many things in common. He was pretty much everything I looked for in a guy. Literally, like everything on my list. I started to feel he might be the one. But it was also a time of uncertainty. Did he like me too or was I just confusing this all? I decided to leave it at that and just enjoy it all. I figured maybe it would take time to flourish into what I was imagining in my head. A year prior to that, I had gone through another bad relationship that took me a little over a year to get over. I was finally healed from that and was now ready to move on. Eventually I started to have feelings for him. Those feelings we all dread after having been single for awhile because it means you’re opening up yourself to a possible disappointment and eventually end up getting hurt. Those same feelings that can take time to recover from if they’re not reciprocated. But nonetheless they were there and there was nothing I could do to take them back. There were so many mixed signals when all I wanted was a yes or a no, but nonetheless was hesitant to ask. Probably due to rejection. We all hate rejection. Eventually a few months down the road, things started to cool down. We were both very busy with life and the projects we were working on so I just took it as that. It was a constant battle in my head between he’s really busy (like legit busy with a business and projects) and if he really cared, he would make the time. As women we tend to always make excuses even if we have the answer staring at us in the face. Until one day he texted saying he wanted to jump on a call for a project he was working on. I was excited. See, he was actually busy and now finally had some time for me, I naively told myself. I happily agreed to the call and set a time. I didn’t get a response but figured he was busy. A week went by and nothing. I wasn’t sure if I should hit him up to remind him of our call or if I should just leave it like that since technically he needed my help and asked for it so I figured he was busy and would call when he really needed me. Few more weeks passed by and still nothing. I was so confused but something in my gut was telling me something was wrong. Being an investigator and a woman can be a deadly combination. I finally found out he had unfollowed me from Instagram. My heart sunk and it hurt. It hurt because I finally got the answer I was looking for but in the nastiest way possible. He had ghosted me. Side note: Ghosting, for those of you that might not know is when another person (whether it’s a friend, someone you’ve been chatting with or someone you’ve been dating) suddenly ceases all communication with you for no actual apparent reason without any notice before hand. This includes in person and over social media. Such as avoiding you or ignoring you. It’s meant to tell you, the ghostee, to leave them alone whether it be they’re not interested or they can’t deal with their emotions at the moment so they just opt for ignoring you hoping you’ll go away to avoid any actual confrontation or conversation. He didn’t even have the decency and the courtesy to tell me himself. Heck, if he didn’t want to call, he could’ve even texted me to tell me. I would have respected him more for telling me the truth. It finally settled in my mind that he wanted nothing to do with me. Not a relationship and not even a friendship. And that hurt. It hurt because I figured that even if nothing happened between us, we’d at least remain friends. I was wrong. The typical questions we as women ask ourselves suddenly peaked in. I don’t get it, what happened? What did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why wasn’t I even worth an explanation? It’s all that consumed my head for weeks. I started researching and asking friends to find a possible answer until I realized, it wasn’t me, it was him. This had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. Even after trying to comprehend that, I still had to deal with the whole why wasn’t I even worth an explanation? Time passed and I eventually realized it was his loss not mine and that he has issues he needs to deal with. One of the things I realized and in a sense was reminded of was that as women we need to take the blame off of ourselves. We have to remember that we are the prize and rather than ask why he doesn’t like us, we should always remember it’s their loss. We shouldn’t do the chasing. We should be the ones to be pursued. We are the ones that choose, not vice versa. Once we start believing this, we won’t invest so much time in meaningless relationships because we will know our worth. It’s something I had to constantly remind myself during this process. While I now understand in a sense why he did it, I don’t excuse it at all. I never received a reason as to why he did it, and that’s something I simply have to live with. I never got closure. That in and of itself is the hardest thing to do. He should’ve been upfront, but had he been, it would have most likely taken me much longer to get over all of this. Am I over him? Not completely. For some reason, I was really into him. Real feelings were vested into him which is why it’s probably taking me longer to heal. It takes time and that time varies by person, and that’s okay. No one can tell you how to heal and how long it should take you to heal. Every person is different, and every person processes things differently.The important thing is that you realize this has nothing to do with you and it will always be their loss. There’s nothing wrong with you. It simply wasn’t meant to be. I know, I write that yet it’s still one of the hardest things to process and accept so I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is doable. What is meant to be shouldn’t be this hard and shouldn’t be this confusing. Even though we met through social media, (without going into details), I have a feeling our paths will eventually cross again one day. What will happen then? I don’t know because I can’t say how I, or he for that matter, would react. We’ll simply cross that bridge if and when we get to it.