Many of you might remember that last year I was invited to speak on a panel where I’d be talking about the power of social media and how that power is what got me to where I am today. I was excited to participate in that panel alongside my very good friend Ana Cristina and renowned TV host, Ana Maria Canseco. I wrote about that experience and shared it with you guys right after it happened.
Fast forward to this year and I was once again contacted by the organizer of the event asking me to join them once again, but this time on a couple of trips. The event had been so successful that they had decided to take it on the road to New York and the Dominican Republic. Of course I said yes without thinking about it twice. The 3 persons that would remain on the panel for both cities from last year’s panel were Ana Maria Canseco, my friend Ana Cristina and myself. There was a 4th person added to join us on both dates and a 5th person would be added locally in each city.
Prior to these events I had not met the 4th person until we arrived to our event in NY. The event in NY ran smoothly and I was very excited to have been a part of it. I was also very excited for the event in the DR and was very much looking forward to it.
Come April and we all headed to the Dominican Republic for some R&R but also for the event. I was beyond excited because it was a country I had on my list to visit for years. I even planned a trip here on 2 different occasions but for different reasons never saw them through. Reason why I was so excited for the trip. Not only that, but I was finally going to meet 2 very dear friends of mine I have only known through social media for almost 12 years. It was definitely a trip I was very much excited for.
Once the day of the event came around, I started to get nervous. I usually tend to get nervous but this felt different. I started to feel like I didn’t belong on that panel, like I didn’t have enough experience to deserve to be on that panel. That feeling mostly stemmed from the reason being that the other individuals on the panel had years of experience. I was the youngest person on that panel which means I was still in school when all of them were already working in journalism. I was really starting to believe that I didn’t deserve to be there. I kept thinking that what I would say wouldn’t sound smart enough compared to them and that I would make a fool of myself in front of all these people. Nobody on that trip knew it but I was extremely nervous and felt non-deserving of being there on that panel.
I started thinking about what I could do to avoid looking like an idiot not only in front of my colleagues but also in front of the audience that would be there. I was so nervous that I just wanted it to be over with. I started getting anxious about the panel. It was weird because I didn’t feel that in NY. For some reason DR was different. I casually mentioned my nervousness to my friend Ana Cristina without telling her how nervous and anxious I really was and what she told me finally made me react. “Becky, you’re good at what you do. You wouldn’t be on that panel if you weren’t. That’s why they chose you and not someone else.” Then it hit me. I AM good at what I do, that’s why I’m here! I said a quick prayer and tried to believe in myself a little more. The event came around and I must confess that I was still nervous and I started sweating a lot (something that rarely happens) while I was sitting up there. I didn’t want to make a mistake, I didn’t want to say something stupid, I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of my colleagues. But somehow I decided to believe in myself a little more while I was sitting there talking and I made it through. Sweating, but I made it through. Once I got down from the stage, I let out a big sigh of relief. I was done with it but I had also done a good job. Of course, after the fact, I thought of things I could have said that would have added to my portion of the panel, but overall I got my message through pretty well. It wasn’t really stage fright because I’ve done it before with no problem, simplemente mis nervios me traicionaron on this one.
I realized that not only did I deserve to be on this panel but I also deserved to be where I am in life. I have worked by butt off to be where I’m at, and that all of the opportunities I have been blessed enough to have has been because I deserve them. I might not have the same amount of experience as my colleagues on that panel, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be there. It’s an amazing opportunity I was given to have been a part of it, and I will forever be grateful for it.
Self-doubt is one of the biggest things I need to work on. It has kept me from reaching out to people when it comes to offering my services. I tend to think I’m not good at it or that I won’t do a good job if they hire me, that I won’t live up to their expectations, or that I shouldn’t charge as much as I do because I can’t do it as good as someone else might, etc. It’s something I’m really trying to work on and I promised myself I’d do better. I decided to try after that event when a couple of days after the event, my colleagues reminded me that I’m good at what I do and that I should realize that. I hadn’t told anyone what I was feeling but I think they sensed it and they felt I needed to hear it, too. It was something I really did need to hear from people who’s work I really admire. I thought to myself that if they think that about me then I really am good (not that I need anyone’s validation, but people recognizing your work helps). Because more importantly than them believing in me, the most important thing is that I believe in myself even if no one else does. I have to be my biggest cheerleader and supporter. And that is what I plan on doing.
