Losing your best friends
Knowing when to let go of friendships or whether to keep holding on is one of the hardest things in life. Truth is that once you’ve started asking yourself that question, it’s a sign you need to let go.
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Growing up I had 2 best friends. We were about the same age and went to the same private school until we graduated high school. We basically met in Kindergarten and grew up together. Once we graduated high school, we all went off to different colleges and as much as we tried, we somewhat grew apart. One of them got married and moved away, and the other one, well we just lost contact for a few years. Eventually the one that got married got divorced and came back to LA to visit (when I was still living in LA) and she called me up to get together. We reunited after several years of having lost contact. We updated each other on our lives. She had gone through a lot so we spent hours talking. It was great to have reconnected but as soon as she left, she never kept in contact even after we agreed to stay in touch. I reached out several times to no avail. Eventually her phone number changed and I had no other way of contacting her. A few years later, social media came into play so I searched for her and reached out to her and her brother. I never heard back from either one of them. I later went into the career of investigating so I did some research and found a few things. I reached out, again to no avail. It was then that I finally realized it was time to let go. As much as I cared for her and wanted to keep in touch because her friendship meant a lot to me, I realized she no longer had any interest in staying in contact with me so I stopped. I was right. Up until today, I have never heard from her.
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I at least had one best friend left from my childhood. I eventually got in contact with my other best friend, we updated each other on our lives and agreed to stay in contact, which we did. We started hanging out, and it was like no time had passed. She was however, in a relationship with a very toxic person that unfortunately I knew all too well because we had also studied together. I disagreed with her relationship because it was very toxic to her emotionally. We always argued about it because I constantly tried to make her see how this relationship was destroying her. Eventually, this also drove us apart. We eventually reconnected when I found out she had Uterine Cancer. I decided to leave it all behind and contact her and be there for her. We agreed we would keep her relationship off topic; we would never discuss it for the sake of our friendship. After treatment and surgeries, she was eventually given a positive prognosis but our friendship was never the same. As much as I tried to get that friendship back, something was wrong. Something was wrong with her. I could sense it. I worked really hard at trying to rescue the friendship we once had but all I received on the other end were excuses. It all went downhill last year before my move to Miami. After telling her about my plans, I felt that she never supported me, it was like she didn’t care. As much as I tried to find out what was wrong with her to see if I could help, it was as if she had shut herself down from me. We eventually cut off all communication for a stupid reason (it really was stupid) but in a sense it was like it was that something waiting to happen to end it all. It was then that I realized I had done everything I could to hold on to her friendship but she just wasn’t interested anymore. I eventually left Los Angeles without saying a word to her, and up until today, we have yet to speak to each other.
Both situations made me very sad, because just like in a relationship, in a friendship you give it your all, and once you realize it’s a one way street, it’s sad and hurtful. Because our friendships had lasted for so many years, I falsely assumed it would continue throughout our lives. When I moved to Miami, I realized that unfortunately, that chapter in my life had come to an end. Our friendships had officially run their course and it was time to close that chapter and move on. It’s hard to do at the beginning because you’ve lived so much with these people that you feel they’re an essential part of your life so just like in a relationship, it takes time to recover from it. I learned through experience that although some friendships can last longer than others, not all of them are meant to be for your whole life. There are people I have still managed to keep in contact with from LA but it’s because we have both made an effort to do so. They are vested in me, in my well-being, my happiness, and in my success, just like I am in theirs. At my age and in this stage in life, I’ve moved on and no longer need people in my life that really don’t wish to be in it. I shouldn’t have to force anyone to be in my life or chase after anyone. Now, you either take me or leave me…